


The Stars Are Underground

by lady_ymmik



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Drabble, Emotions and Stuff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I have no idea how to tag on ao3???, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, Loneliness, One Shot, Other, Some Langst Applies, Space Dad doing his fatherly duty and making his child feel better, Voltron, lance is crying, lance mcclain - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 00:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10797780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_ymmik/pseuds/lady_ymmik
Summary: A short drabble in which Lance misses home and rambles about Space a lot.





	The Stars Are Underground

The Stars Are Underground

lady_ymmik

* * *

 

 

Space was nothing; was a void, was darkness. Gaps were filled with black holes, and wormholes; galaxies and stars, but still, there was nothingness. Space was the embodiment of loneliness, even though it brimmed with life that humans on Earth couldn't even fathom. 

Being in Space meant being light years away from home- in new solar systems that Earth’s fledgling technology would never comprehend and in galaxies at the very reaches of the universe itself. It meant being further away from your family than even death could bring you. It meant maybe never seeing the ones you loved ever again.

To every one, Space meant something different. Loneliness, escape, adventure, answers. Space was everything and nothing. Even to the paladins of Voltron.

To Shiro, Space was his life, however broken and battered and hard it was sometimes. To Pidge, Space held answers to questions she seeked about her family and herself. To Keith, Space was an escape from the confines of Earth’s overbearing normality. To Hunk, Space meant adventures and new people; it meant trying new things and the opportunity to protect everyone he could.

And to himself, Lance thought, Space was loneliness. Space meant no more warm hugs from his mother, Space was the absence of the familiar smells of home- of patchouli and the ocean. Space meant no late nights listening to the familiar Cuban rhythms his mother often hummed as she danced with his father in the kitchen.

What was once a phone call away was now unreachable.

Late at night, while the other paladins slept, Lance would cry in his room, with his knees hugged to his chest. Broken, ugly sobs that tore from his throat and rattled his lungs. The tears wouldn't stop, the sleeves of his robe soaked by the end, and by the time he managed to cry himself to sleep it would be morning again.

Sometimes he would imagine his family, so far away, searching endlessly for him. He could hear the scrambled prayers in Spanish falling from his mother's lips every night while his father stroked her hair and told her that everything would be okay. That he wasn't alone. That he was safe, because Hunk was his best friend, and they were together and he would never let any harm come to Lance.

He just wished that he could tell them that that was true. That he was safe and that he was doing  _ so well.  _ He was protecting everyone and learning more on this adventure than he ever could have as a cadet. Lance wanted to be able to tell his mother that she was achieving his dreams and piloting not a Galaxy Garrison ship but the Blue Lion of Voltron, and that that was the greatest contribution he could ever make with his life.

For Lance, the stars looked dimmer, however new they were to him each day; and what was once a burning passion was now a dwindling light, snuffed out by the darkness of Space and the myriad of emotions it kindled.

He missed the warmth of the Earth beneath his feet, he missed the warmth of the sun, Earth’s sun, on his face. He even missed the way the hot sands of Varadero Beach burned his feet at midday and the gritty, dirty feeling that sand often left when he would head home for the night.

Nothing compared to the sound of the ocean lapping gently at the soft shore, each wave breaking over the next with a quiet shush. There was nothing like that in Space. There was nothing in the universe that could compare to home.

The Altean castle, in all it’s glory, was only a temporary home. Fancy pools and particle barriers could only be new and amazing for so long before the novelty wore off. Days came when he couldn’t stand to hear things like quintants or vargas, when he wanted to hear the tired Spanish as his mom was telling the youngest McClain children to hold on a sec or wait just “una momenta” while she finished her chores, or the way his father would laugh when he woke all the children at the crack of dawn with the promise of a fun-filled day only to disappoint with yard work or grocery shopping (which had always been a family affair). Lance missed Earth.  

There were none of his mother’s home cooked meals waiting for them after a fight with the Galra. No one to fight over the bathroom with, no one to yell at when silly sibling conversations and giggling went on deep into the late hours of the night and into the next morning.  He missed his brothers and his sisters and every annoying thing they did.

Sometimes he wished he didn’t have to pretend that he was slowly breaking, deeply longing for home. Playing it cool was only going to get him so far.

His constitution was not as strong as Shiro’s. He wasn’t as free with his emotions as Hunk. He didn’t have a driving goal like Pidge. He wasn’t like Keith because Keith had already lost everything.

Back home his sister was expecting her first child. His family was gaining a new member for the one they had lost to Space; but it wasn’t supposed to be that way. He was supposed to be there with them, welcoming a new life into the world. Not across the universe, risking his life for the greater good.

But missing a niece or nephew’s birth was okay, when he knew that his family was safe from the Galra for one more day. When he knew that their missing him and his missing them wasn’t going to be in vain. The tears still came, though. He still cried in the evenings before bed, when he replayed every memory he had, and longed for so much more than what he had.

But his loneliness- it wasn’t like Allura’s or Coran’s. Humans were still alive and well. His family was safe in their cramped little home. But they… they had lost everything. Their people, their loved ones, every last person they had ever cared for- there were no more Altean’s. And they didn’t break down.

He just wished he could be as strong as they were. As strong as everyone else was; because the strong facade was exhausting and he wanted nothing more than to just let loose and scream into the lonely void until his lungs gave out.

Lance was tired of being torn between what he knew was right and what he wanted. He was a paladin of Voltron. He was protecting his family at the cost of his loneliness. He was ready to risk his life for them. He had always been willing to risk his life for them, on expeditions, on missions. But in all his planning and imagining of the fighter pilot life, he had always gotten the chance to say goodbye first.

Just one last hug from his mother would suffice him. The opportunity to assure them he was safe and to tell them all, his brothers, sisters, and parents, that he loved them so much and that he was sorry he had disappeared so suddenly.

With a heaving sigh, Lance pushed his melancholic space ramblings from his mind for the moment and crawled out of bed to sneak from his room. Often times, when he wasn’t crying in bed but couldn’t sleep, he would wander the halls of the castle, exploring large, open rooms that had likely once had an important purpose but now were empty and barren. He would occupy himself by counting the number of steps he took, or running his fingers along the sleek walls until his fingertips were raw and numb.   

But small distractions only served to keep him busy for so long until the worrisome-boredom he found himself plagued by felt like a hollow hunger in the pit of his stomach. So, like a ship on autopilot, he allowed himself to be led to the kitchen by his hunger.

He wasn’t particularly fond of Altean food, it was weird and the textures were all wrong, but when hungry, it did the job. Food-goo, however unsightly, filled his belly properly and only ever left him wanting for the familiar tastes of home.

He perched quietly at the table, stirring around the green slop that was left in his bowl with the curve of his spoon. Everything was so serene when at night, when things were quiet. It was amazing how just seven people could give a place so much life.

“Can’t sleep, Lance?”

He turned his chin quickly over his shoulder, wide eyes softening as an obviously sleepy Shiro shuffled into the kitchen. He returned his gaze to the bowl in front of him and pushed it aside, crossing his arms and leaning on them instead.

“No. You?”

He shook his head, hair swinging lazily across his forehead. He rooted around for a bit through the ready-made food, settling for the same green goop. Lance watched him quietly as Shiro climbed onto the stool next to him.

“Something on your mind?” Shiro asked between spoonfuls, worry evident in the timbre of his voice.

Lance shrugged stiffly. “Just… homesick, is all.”

There was a brief pause before Shiro clapped his hand gently on Lance’s shoulder. “I thought that might be the case. As amazing and important as all of this is, nothing beats home.”

“I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling, Shiro. You haven’t been home in so long.”

“I don’t really have much of a home to go back to.” He said softly. “And my friends… I’m with Keith, now. And I have you, and Pidge, and Hunk. I even have Allura and Coran, and that’s more than enough family and friend’s for me. It’s more than I’ve ever really had.”

Lance slowly nodded. “Yeah, they are like family now.”

“They  _ are _ family, now.” Shiro affirmed.  “Your team is your family. Not by blood, but we’re connected in so many other amazing ways.”

“I guess I kind of forgot to think of it that way.” He sighed. “I just miss my mom and dad a lot right now.”

The familiar feeling of tears welling in Lance’s eyes made him turn his head away quickly. The hand on his shoulder squeezed lightly, comfortingly, and Lance had to fight to resist the urge to break down in front of Shiro.

Shiro had lost nearly everything- he didn’t need to be comforting a crybaby. Keith wouldn’t cry like this to him.

“It’s okay, Lance.” Shiro said softly. “It’s okay to feel that way. Everything happened so suddenly.”

Lance exhaled shakily, cheeks damp and throat tight. He slumped forward and cradled his face in his hands, shoulders heaving as the sobs broke forth. No, no, this wasn’t supposed to be what happened. He wasn’t supposed to cry in front of anyone. He was the cool one. The sharpshooter. Not the crybaby.

Shiro’s hand rubbed soothing circles across his back, but it didn’t help as each gross sob grew louder than the last. Lance knew he was everything an ugly crier was; a drooling, snot running, red-eyed mess. It had been a long time since he’d cried this hard- he wasn’t really sure why it was hitting him so hard now.

But Shiro didn’t make fun of him. He sat silently, letting him get it out of his system. Lance thought for a moment that this was why Shiro was their leader, why he was the paladin of the black lion and the decisive head of Voltron. Shiro was everything Lance wanted to emulate.

As his cries died down into quieter sniffles and hiccups, Shiro’s comforting touches stilled as well.

“...You’ll get nowhere if you just keep everything bottled up.” Shiro said softly.

Lance wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his robe, trembling. “I know. I’m sorry, Shiro.”

“Don’t apologize.” He said. “That’s what I’m here for. If you need to yell and scream, or cry, or just… need to sit with someone in silence. I’ll be there.”

Lance picked his head up and stared for a moment before collapsing forward and hugging Shiro as tight as he could. Shiro hesitated for only a second before hugging him back.

“Everything just feels so upside down.” Lance murmured. “I want to go home, but I know that I can’t. I know that what I’m doing here is so much bigger than I am and that it’s for the greater good.”

“Yeah. It’s a lot to take in.” Shiro agreed. “But it is bigger than all of us. So many lives depend on us.”

Lance sighed, burying his face against Shiro’s shoulder to hide his face. He felt so small and pathetic, but it felt better to have someone with him telling him that it would be okay. That they understood.

Shiro patted the back of Lance’s head. “Your parents will be so proud of you when we go home. I know I am already.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve never been more proud of a team than I am of all of you. The universe is asking so much, and you keep giving it your all, no matter what. If that’s not something to be proud of, then I don’t know what is.”

Lance couldn’t help a quiet, raspy laugh. “Thanks, Shiro. I… I should get back to bed.”

“Yeah, you should.” He agreed. “Sleep well, Sharpshooter.”

Lance smiled a bit and got off his stool before heading back down the dark hall, dragging his fingertips along the smooth surface. He felt better, felt like he could sleep now.

Space was still nothing; was still a void, was still darkness. Gaps were still filled with black holes, and wormholes; galaxies and stars. Space was still the embodiment of loneliness, but home could be lonely, too, sometimes. And Space had introduced Lance to a new family, one more diverse and more exciting than he could have ever imagined. He had new brothers and new sisters- teammates, partners- who would always stand beside him.

And late at night, when he longed for his Earth family, he sometimes forgot that he had a Space family that loved him just as much. It wasn’t really as lonely as he thought, if he could just bring himself to open up to them.

Hugs from Shiro or Hunk weren’t the same as hugs from his mother or father, but they were still good hugs. Hugs that felt safe and warm, Lance thought as he crawled back into his bed, they were hugs that he wouldn’t trade for the world. And for a little while, Space didn’t seem quite so lonely.  


End file.
